MINDSET by Dweck

FIXED
Creates urgency to prve yourself over and over
Every situation calls for a confirmation of their intelligence, personality, or character.
Succeed or fail? Well I look smart or dumb? Will I be excepted or rejected? Will I feel like a winner or a loser?
Makes you concerned with how you will be judged.
Always want to make sure you will succeed. Smart people should always succeed.
Don't want to expose their deficiencies.
Makes people into non-learners.
In a relationship – total, uncritical acceptance.
Fixed mindset people thrive when things are safely within their grasp.
When not feeling smart or talented – they lose interest
Not enough just to succeed.
It's not enough just to look smart and talented. You have to be pretty much flawless. Right away.
A test not only measures and important ability. They believe it strongly measures how smart they are and how smart they will be when they grow up
Typically do not love to learn.
Do not thrive on challenges. When the going gets rough they often fold.

Lurking behind that self esteem of the fixed mindset is a simple question: if you're somebody when you're successful, what are you when you're unsuccessful?

Fixed mindset and depression. The more depressed they feel they let things go; the less they take action to solve their problems. They didn't study what they needed to, they didn't hand in their assignments on time, and they didn't keep up with their chores.

Effort is for those who don't have the ability.
Fear of trying and failing.

Have to work hard as for the things you love most. And when it's sports, music, education u love, you're in the fight for above your life

 Scenario:
you are learning a new language. Teacher calls you to the front of the class.Your ability is on the line. Can you fill everyone's eyes on you? Can you see the instructor's face evaluating you? Feel the tension, fill your ego bristle and wait waiver. What else are you thinking and feeling?

Mindset by Carol Dweck

InSideOut Coaching by Joe Ehrmann

Transactional v Transformational Coaching
Transactional

• use players as tools to meet their personal needs for validation, status, and identity. 
• Hold power over us to elicit the response they want. 
• Typically players don't accept their belief system or buy into their programs.
• Coach first, team second, player's growth and needs last.

Transformational

• use coaching platform to impart life-changing messages
• Other-centered
• use their power to nurture and transform players
• players sense their authenticity
• Players first, team second, coach's needs met by meeting the needs of the players

Joe's personal journey

• quest for empathy and validation
• acting out in front of coaches
• destroying running backs to earn it
• crushing lineman to win it
• playing part of the affible (friendly, good-natured) wild man
• never really filled the void

Studies that looked at the common characteristics of parents who had raised kids with healthy relationship patterns.

It was the parents capacity to make sense of their history that determined their ability to raise kids who could connect well to others.

WHY DO I COACH?

WHY DO I COACH THE WAY I COACH?

WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE COACHED BY ME?

HOW DO I DEFINE AND MEASURE SUCCESS?

Reflect on glorious and hurtful experiences with sports and coaches

Tracing the unfulfilled needs we felt as S-A

Determining how those unmet needs can drive us as coaches

Understanding that our obligation is to coach for our players and not for ourselves.

Young athletes need CONNECTION, EMPATHY, GUIDANCE.

"SPORTS DON'T BUILD CHARACTER UNLESS A COACH POSSESSES CHARACTER AND INTENTIONALLY TEACHES IT"

Lacking the emotional skills to discern the damage to his sense of self, Joe sought the approval of his dad thru sports and achievements on the field.

Game Changers

1. winter of 1961. Playing BB, Coach talked him into smacking a kid with the ball to teach him a lesson.

Felt sick to his stomach, all the fans were staring at him

Shame engulfed him

Team congratulated him

Shame became his constitution

not angry at the coach

didn't pity the poor kid

"I was confused and consumed with myself and my shame".

2. Baseball 

missed a ball at 3rd base

lost the game, cost the championship

let e/o down

desired the coach to at least pat him on the back or give a consoling word --CRAVED AFFIRMATION

GOT NOTHING

Never played Bb again.

"I swore I would never put myself in a position again where my failure would be so visible to others."

Life Changer

Raped by a father of a little girl based on a misunderstanding. He thought Joe had raped his little girl so he raped him back. It was not true

More shame=wounded, isolated, alone for decades

This helped push Joe to be a TOUGH GUY...

one of the unhappiest "successful" men you could ever find

Absent/angry dad

abusive and violent adults

transactional coaches-uninterested in changing lives

=all converged with sports

• shame became the fuel that drove him to make sports a place to act out his childhood chaos for a growing audience to witness and applaud
• provided a place to hide
• grief morfed into rage over the years

HONEST ABE

ORANGEMAN

COACH SIMMONS transformational

COLTS transactional